I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
