ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
