Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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