I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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