so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
