Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
