I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I stole a fireplace last night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
