You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
