She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
