Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
