I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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