i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
