if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
