I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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