census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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