he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
