Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
