hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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