I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
