I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she looked like the before picture.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize