I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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