The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
