at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
