i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
