there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You pole danced in your parka.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
