my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Randomize
