my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
