Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
