so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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