I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
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just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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