the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
