I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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