I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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