you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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