I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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