Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
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