Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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