Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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