OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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