she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
