i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
this will be a night to untag.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
