The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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