you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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