my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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