Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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