can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
