If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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