I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
