i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
