Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Boobs are out for the taking
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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