After last night, I could never be a politician.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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