3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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