sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
