PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
