oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
