I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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