yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
