bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
