fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
