my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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