listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
