Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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