you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
