is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm both gender and math confused
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