my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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