And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
