My nipple is on Facebook.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
