I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
