I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
